Aversion and The Bath

This week we are meant to continue on the topic of attachment but I would like to take a little sidetrack related to attachment, to look at aversion. Aversion is the mirror image of attachment, it's opposite, and has some of the same qualities. I received this post from from Zen Habits' Leo Babauta the other day in which he says that the most important skill in life is to learn to be happy with oneself. The article struck me because that concept seems so simple, so basic that it's almost not worth saying. Of course we need to like ourselves and isn't it human nature to do so? When I really examine how I feel about myself I realise that I am not happy at all. I hold aversion towards myself in a variety of areas. I am also guilty of holding myself up against perfectionistic ideals, particularly when it comes to my body. After reading the post on self love, I decided to make friends with my body and write about it here as I believe it ties into my attachment to food. It's like a dysfunctional codependent relationship. The poor self image feeds the mindless eating and the mindless eating fuels the poor self image. As you may have read in the Introduction to Buddha At My Table, I have gone up and down in weight throughout my life but 5 years ago I was 25 kilos slimmer than I am now. As my weight increases so does my aversion to my body, and ironically I often find comfort in cooking and eating which exacerbates the problem.

So I decided to heed Leo's advice. When my son fell asleep early the other night I retreated to the bath, which is something I haven't done in ages, in part because I don't like being naked and in eye view. This time I decided to get reacquainted with my body while I soaked. I said hello to my toes and thanked them for keeping me balanced. I massaged my feet and shared gratitude for them and all that they endure. I put my hands on my rounder belly. This was the hard part. I thanked my belly for all the holding in and strapping tight, for all the stretching and shrinking over the years, for processing all the bits and bobs I consume into energy, even for the fat that keeps me warm. My butt and hips even got kudos! I stayed present with my new more bulbous body, massaging lotion into my skin after the bath. I felt uplifted, more comfortable in my skin.

I remembered a teaching by His Holiness the Dalai Lama that was recounted to me. I was told that he looked out at the audience and started laughing. He pointed to someone and said "You think you are tall!" He laughed, "and you think you are short!" He giggled some more, " You think you are fat!" he chuckled, "and you think you are thin!" The reason he was laughing was multifaceted. For one, these are just labels we apply to ourselves and they are so relative! We are not concretely any of these things. And they are so fluctuating! In this life I have been all of these things and more. If we are born over and over again (Buddha taught that we have been reincarnated again and again since beginningless time and will continue to do so until we attain enlightenment) then we have been and will be all of these things! We are not our bodies! We are our minds! And our bodies are in part manifestations of our minds, and our actions, our karma.

We will discuss karma and reincarnation more in the future, but for now perhaps it might help to try to think about our bodies with a lighter, looser sort of view. In addition it is probably a good exercise to learn to like ourselves. After all how can we have love and compassion for others if we don't even love ourselves? Take a look at the Zen Habits link and let me know if you have any ideas on how we can learn to like ourselves.

Practice: This week examine your thoughts about yourself. Try to catch yourself when you have derogatory or judgemental thoughts about yourself. Try to change the words you use. Don't call yourself  "bad" for losing the battle with the chocolate cake. Try to change the "conversation" in your mind to a supportive one. Also examine what causes aversion for you. What kind of behaviour does aversion give rise to? What triggers your aversion for yourself?

Enjoy your week.

Metta,

Dharma Mama