How has the week gone for you? Did anyone else do the chocolate cake practice from last week? I took my chocolate cake seriously this week! I made it through most of the day on Monday having made positive mindful choices about eating, but when tea o'clock hit (around 3-4 PM I change from a normal person into a ravaging beast, craving caffeine, sugar, chocolate or the like) I glanced at the banana sitting on my desk and decided to head to the kitchen for a cup of tea instead. There in the staff kitchen was a home made chocolate cake glistening in the sun (okay maybe the glistening was from my taste buds rather than the sun). Aha, I thought! If I have a piece of cake I can do my Buddha At My Table practice for the week! I thought about cutting a thick slice but instead cut a thin one and placed it on a plate. My mouth watered and my tummy grumbled as I walked back to my desk, but it was my mind that was most active! That cake tasted amazing before I even stuck a fork into it. My mind created the most delicious item it could dream up! I sunk a fork into the chocolately goodness and took a bite. Yum. I chewed slowly. Hmm, good, but not as delicious as I had been expecting. Throughout the next few bites I realised that the cake was actually a bit dry, tasty but dry. I let the creamy frosting linger on my tongue, but the experience ended quickly. Even though it did not live up to the cake my mind had projected onto it, I immediately thought of having a second piece. My mind was somehow still stuck on the projection, thinking if I were to have another piece maybe it would live up to expectations. Maybe it would satisfy me. I refrained from having another piece but it was interesting to see how my mind of attachment saw the chocolate cake as inherently blissful even though evidence proved otherwise.
The next day I was facing a three hour afternoon meeting and thought a big cup of strong tea (perhaps with some sugar) might help me make it through. I headed to a local cafe for a chai and saw a row of beautifully wrapped chocolate brownies. Without even thinking I ordered one to go. As I put it in my coat pocket I questioned my decision, but rationalised it by deciding I could use it for more practice. The brownie stayed in my pocket through the meeting. I offered it to a coworker but he declined. He wasn't really in the mood for chocolate cake today. Strangely neither was I. When I returned to my desk I placed the brownie behind my keyboard. I wasn't hungry but it sat there staring at me, beckoning me to eat it. I resisted the temptation and decided to see how long I could keep my attachment at bay. I was having a face off with a brownie! How long could I resist?
The brownie returned to my coat pocket when I left work and was forgotten in the busyness of the evening. I found it again mid-morning the following day as I walked from one meeting to another. I imagined pulling it out of my pocket, unwrapping it, scarfing it down quickly before I made it to my destination, like an addict secretly dosing up. That mental image was enough to stop me from indulging. I was hungry though. When I arrived at my destination I sat down at a table and nibbled on some healthy sort of hippie dippy crackers made of whole wheat, sunflower seeds and chia instead. A coworker offered me a cup of soup and I accepted. An early lunch, much better choice than a brownie, I thought.
The brownie continued to rest in my pocket, but by 2 PM I was thinking of food again. I didn't feel like eating lunch since I had already had the soup and crackers earlier and I had limited time to prepare a snack due to another meeting (yes my life is one meeting after another these days!), so I again contemplated the brownie. This time I gave in and unwrapped it in a hurry. I chomped off a large bite sending crumbs cascading down my chin and onto my desk, lap and everywhere. At exactly the same moment a coworker appeared at my side. He commented on the big bite and I turned a bright shade of red. I was caught in a moment of pure attachment, a moment without mindfulness. I was horrified, but not enough to stop eating. After all, I had a meeting with my manager in a few minutes! The brownie was soft and gooey and oh so chocolatey. I tried to eat more daintily as I reviewed project status with my coworker, but I kept eating. As I swallowed the last bite, I swigged down the rest of my herbal tea, spilling again. I felt slovenly as I wiped my chin and hurried off to my meeting. Enough with the chocolate cake I thought!! But removing chocolate cake (and brownies obviously) from my diet isn't going to solve the problem. Exploring my attachment for it will be far more useful. Why do I find it so appealing? I must be thinking that this cake will make me happy, that it has the ability to do so, that it is inherently delicious! Is it? What would happen if I ate the whole chocolate cake? Would it still be as appealing? Probably not. It would likely make me feel ill, and bring out repulsion rather than desire. The cake itself doesn't inherently hold deliciousness within it. In fact for some it may cause an allergic reaction. If it was inherently delicious it would always be so. The attractiveness applied to it is of my own mind's making.
So what do we do with the attachment? Here is a short video of Venerable Thubten Chodron teaching on the antidotes to attachment. Want more on attachment? Ven Chodron does a short teaching every morning called "Bodhisattva Breakfast Corner" and the series from 14-18 April 2011 was on attachment as a flood. A great description! Here is the first one. You should be able to find the other four on the same Youtube page.
Practice: What is your favourite food? Shall we try some while examining where the attractiveness lies? Are you disappointed by it when it doesn't live up to expectations? What happens if you eat more and more and more? Does the level of attractiveness change? Let's try to recognise how it's attractiveness come from our minds rather than from the object itself.
Have a great week!
Metta,
Dharma Mama.
07 June 2012
03 June 2012
Defining Attachment
I usually write my posts on Thursdays, so I was expecting there to be one last post on Mindfulness on th 31st. However with a sick family at home and all the other busyness of life and motherhood, it is suddenly Sunday, and it's now June! So on to our next topic...Attachment!
According to Buddhist Scholar Jeffrey Hopkins, attachment in the Buddhist context means,
"The disturbing emotion that exaggerates the good qualities of an object that one possesses and does not wish to let go of it." Another Buddhist Scholar, Alex Berzin, explains that the concept is confusing for us westerners because in modern psychology the word attachment has a positive connotation in some contexts. It can refer to the bonding that occurs between a child and parent. Psychologists say that if a child does not have the initial attachment to the parents, there will be difficulties in the child's development. The Buddhist connotation of attachment is hard to translate into English because it refers to something very specific. When the Buddhist teachings instruct that we need to develop detachment, it does not mean that we do not want to develop bonds such as the parent-child bond. What is meant by "detachment" is ridding ourselves of clinging and craving for something or someone. It's the craving that is the problem, not the object or even the enjoyment of it.
One of hte most proficient teachers in the area of attachment is Venerable Robina Courtin. Ven. Robina is a fast-talking no-nonsense Buddhist Nun originally from Australia. I had the opportunity to stay with her and attend to her needs for two weeks some years back and she had a profound impression on me. As I was shaving her head on the first day she asked, "so do you want to be a nun?" Whether it was partnership or the nunhood that I wanted, she encouraged me to get on with it and do some work to get where I want to be. Lazy would never be used to describe this nun who used to be editor of Mandala Magazine. She now runs the Liberation Prison Project in addition to travelling around the world teaching. She also runs pilgramages to Buddhist holy sites for those with a lot of extra cash in their pockets. She often discusses attachment and karma in her talks and uses the example of chocolate cake to explain attachment, since it is one thing to which many of us have a strong attachment (don't worry she talks about sex too! No topic is off limits for Robina). Here is a link to a video of a teaching she did in California recently titled "Buddhism and Chocolate Cake: How to be Happy." There is a transcript version on the site too if you can't play the video. Following is a small piece of the transript to give you a little taste. Enjoy!
"Attachment is, you know, everyone in this room will have a different definition so please chuck-them out and hear this definition because this is Buddha's. It's a neurotic state of mind; all of them particularly do have a function of over exaggerating certain aspects of an object. So when you are attached to your boyfriend, assuming you have one, he will look, probably, especially in the beginning, he will look divine to you, won't he? Isn't it, when you're in love, you can't believe this divine person from their head to their toenails. Of course, after a while when he, you know, farts between the blanket instead of in the toilet, [Laughter]--you slowly, you start going down here and your attachment kind of gets punctured a bit and isn't so handsome after all. We all know that one, when you're really hungry for the chocolate cake, this is a simple point, but profound, it looks divine doesn't it? It's like vibrating deliciousness. And this is the point the Buddha's making: we think it comes from the cake, we think the cake is divine, you think your boyfriend is divine until you start realizing his mistakes, because you're blinded, because attachment in the mind, it's like you've got honey, what do you call them, rose-colored spectacles on. Everything will look just hunky-dory,just gorgeous, which is an exaggeration of reality. It's an exaggeration of reality, when you don't like that boyfriend, after 6 months you can't stand the sight of him, every time you look at him now, nothing looks nice. He looks really ugly, that's because now you've got your angry glasses on. You're aversion glasses on. When you've stuffed so full four pieces of cake, the cake looks disgusting now.
So we just go, this is normal, but these, Buddha says are states of mind. Attachment exaggerates the deliciousness and then has the energy of hankering after it, believing when I get it, that I'll get happy, which is expectations, and then possessing it, especially if it's people and things, it's mine! All of these are function of this cute, simple word, ―attachment.‖ And it comes from the deepest and the most energetic level. It is the expression, this attachment, of a deep, deep primordial sense of dissatisfaction. An aching sense of I'm just never enough. I do not have enough, whatever I do is never enough, whatever I get is never enough. Check our lives. This is a deep disease we have and this is the deepest habitual expression of this label,―attachment, which seems so abstract to us.
Dissatisfaction, what do you mean, with what? Well with everything. You get up in the morning and you just, something's just not right, you know. We can have it, some people have it very deeply, always unhappy, always, no matter what they get, they can be multimillionaires and be the best body in the world, dissatisfied. Always unhappy and that gives rise to, therefore I must get this, and I must get that and when I get this it'll fill up the gaping hole. This is the way attachment works. And Buddha says it’s the default road for life, it's what runs all of us, it's the motor that propels us from second to second of our experiences. This, and it gets down in the big bones, right down deep where we can only see it when we practice meditation and concentration and really be our own therapist, we get to hear the words how easily exaggeration, not just some physical feeling, you know. Anger's the same, depression the same, so because of this deep attachment that cultivated of that gorgeous grandma's cup or my handsome boyfriend, then desperately I don't want it to change. So we live in the fantasy world. We know very well intellectually things change, we think we're--we would never admit that they don't, we know damn well they do! But, emotionally, experientially, we cling to everything as if it won't change.
So when you have finally found happiness. Look at the words. ―I have finally found happiness, we say. And you've got this divine person, you've written the novel for the rest of your life. and it's like you locked it away in a cabinet and as far as you're concerned, it's permanent. And look at the devastation when it changes. I always remember reading an article in the ―Vanity Fair. I like reading magazines, learn about human beings. And it was an interview with Nicole Kidman when she was with Tom Cruise. Now she's with that nasty Australian bloke, what's his name? Anyway, the singer, you know. And she has two children [inaudible], Faith and Sunday, that's right. I read the papers. So anyway, whatever. When she was being interviewed in Vanity Fair when she was with Tom Cruise still, she said at the end of the article, ―We will be together until we're 80. [Pause] Of course, that's how we think isn't it? And then she covered herself and said, ―Well, of course if we won't be, I will be devastated." Venerable Robina Courtin Feb 9, 2012 Chico California
If you want to hear more from Venerable Robina check her out on Judith Lucy's Spiritual Journey or on this show. There was also a documentary written about her and her work for the Liberation Prison Project called Chasing Buddha. It's great if you can find a copy!
Practice: This week try to recognise the clinging nature of attachment. At this stage let's just look at the sticky feeling when we are attached to something. Maybe even try some chocolate cake and see how it looks to you before eating, after eating a few bites and when you are finished. And let me know how it goes.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
According to Buddhist Scholar Jeffrey Hopkins, attachment in the Buddhist context means,
"The disturbing emotion that exaggerates the good qualities of an object that one possesses and does not wish to let go of it." Another Buddhist Scholar, Alex Berzin, explains that the concept is confusing for us westerners because in modern psychology the word attachment has a positive connotation in some contexts. It can refer to the bonding that occurs between a child and parent. Psychologists say that if a child does not have the initial attachment to the parents, there will be difficulties in the child's development. The Buddhist connotation of attachment is hard to translate into English because it refers to something very specific. When the Buddhist teachings instruct that we need to develop detachment, it does not mean that we do not want to develop bonds such as the parent-child bond. What is meant by "detachment" is ridding ourselves of clinging and craving for something or someone. It's the craving that is the problem, not the object or even the enjoyment of it.
One of hte most proficient teachers in the area of attachment is Venerable Robina Courtin. Ven. Robina is a fast-talking no-nonsense Buddhist Nun originally from Australia. I had the opportunity to stay with her and attend to her needs for two weeks some years back and she had a profound impression on me. As I was shaving her head on the first day she asked, "so do you want to be a nun?" Whether it was partnership or the nunhood that I wanted, she encouraged me to get on with it and do some work to get where I want to be. Lazy would never be used to describe this nun who used to be editor of Mandala Magazine. She now runs the Liberation Prison Project in addition to travelling around the world teaching. She also runs pilgramages to Buddhist holy sites for those with a lot of extra cash in their pockets. She often discusses attachment and karma in her talks and uses the example of chocolate cake to explain attachment, since it is one thing to which many of us have a strong attachment (don't worry she talks about sex too! No topic is off limits for Robina). Here is a link to a video of a teaching she did in California recently titled "Buddhism and Chocolate Cake: How to be Happy." There is a transcript version on the site too if you can't play the video. Following is a small piece of the transript to give you a little taste. Enjoy!
"Attachment is, you know, everyone in this room will have a different definition so please chuck-them out and hear this definition because this is Buddha's. It's a neurotic state of mind; all of them particularly do have a function of over exaggerating certain aspects of an object. So when you are attached to your boyfriend, assuming you have one, he will look, probably, especially in the beginning, he will look divine to you, won't he? Isn't it, when you're in love, you can't believe this divine person from their head to their toenails. Of course, after a while when he, you know, farts between the blanket instead of in the toilet, [Laughter]--you slowly, you start going down here and your attachment kind of gets punctured a bit and isn't so handsome after all. We all know that one, when you're really hungry for the chocolate cake, this is a simple point, but profound, it looks divine doesn't it? It's like vibrating deliciousness. And this is the point the Buddha's making: we think it comes from the cake, we think the cake is divine, you think your boyfriend is divine until you start realizing his mistakes, because you're blinded, because attachment in the mind, it's like you've got honey, what do you call them, rose-colored spectacles on. Everything will look just hunky-dory,just gorgeous, which is an exaggeration of reality. It's an exaggeration of reality, when you don't like that boyfriend, after 6 months you can't stand the sight of him, every time you look at him now, nothing looks nice. He looks really ugly, that's because now you've got your angry glasses on. You're aversion glasses on. When you've stuffed so full four pieces of cake, the cake looks disgusting now.
So we just go, this is normal, but these, Buddha says are states of mind. Attachment exaggerates the deliciousness and then has the energy of hankering after it, believing when I get it, that I'll get happy, which is expectations, and then possessing it, especially if it's people and things, it's mine! All of these are function of this cute, simple word, ―attachment.‖ And it comes from the deepest and the most energetic level. It is the expression, this attachment, of a deep, deep primordial sense of dissatisfaction. An aching sense of I'm just never enough. I do not have enough, whatever I do is never enough, whatever I get is never enough. Check our lives. This is a deep disease we have and this is the deepest habitual expression of this label,―attachment, which seems so abstract to us.
Dissatisfaction, what do you mean, with what? Well with everything. You get up in the morning and you just, something's just not right, you know. We can have it, some people have it very deeply, always unhappy, always, no matter what they get, they can be multimillionaires and be the best body in the world, dissatisfied. Always unhappy and that gives rise to, therefore I must get this, and I must get that and when I get this it'll fill up the gaping hole. This is the way attachment works. And Buddha says it’s the default road for life, it's what runs all of us, it's the motor that propels us from second to second of our experiences. This, and it gets down in the big bones, right down deep where we can only see it when we practice meditation and concentration and really be our own therapist, we get to hear the words how easily exaggeration, not just some physical feeling, you know. Anger's the same, depression the same, so because of this deep attachment that cultivated of that gorgeous grandma's cup or my handsome boyfriend, then desperately I don't want it to change. So we live in the fantasy world. We know very well intellectually things change, we think we're--we would never admit that they don't, we know damn well they do! But, emotionally, experientially, we cling to everything as if it won't change.
So when you have finally found happiness. Look at the words. ―I have finally found happiness, we say. And you've got this divine person, you've written the novel for the rest of your life. and it's like you locked it away in a cabinet and as far as you're concerned, it's permanent. And look at the devastation when it changes. I always remember reading an article in the ―Vanity Fair. I like reading magazines, learn about human beings. And it was an interview with Nicole Kidman when she was with Tom Cruise. Now she's with that nasty Australian bloke, what's his name? Anyway, the singer, you know. And she has two children [inaudible], Faith and Sunday, that's right. I read the papers. So anyway, whatever. When she was being interviewed in Vanity Fair when she was with Tom Cruise still, she said at the end of the article, ―We will be together until we're 80. [Pause] Of course, that's how we think isn't it? And then she covered herself and said, ―Well, of course if we won't be, I will be devastated." Venerable Robina Courtin Feb 9, 2012 Chico California
If you want to hear more from Venerable Robina check her out on Judith Lucy's Spiritual Journey or on this show. There was also a documentary written about her and her work for the Liberation Prison Project called Chasing Buddha. It's great if you can find a copy!
Practice: This week try to recognise the clinging nature of attachment. At this stage let's just look at the sticky feeling when we are attached to something. Maybe even try some chocolate cake and see how it looks to you before eating, after eating a few bites and when you are finished. And let me know how it goes.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
26 May 2012
Mindful Eating
How has your mindfulness practice gone this week? Have you been
paying attention to your thoughts? Have you been able to stand back as a
bystander and watch them come and go? I have been paying more attention
to mine and have had some important realisations this week.
I have a
young son who is a very gifted child but he has some social, emotional
and
behavioural challenges that make life difficult at times. I have known that it can
be hard sometimes but until this week I hadn't recognised that I hold a lot of
anger around my son's special needs and the way they
affect me and my life. My logical brain can easily say that he is a beautiful
little boy, an innocent child, just being in the way he knows how,
navigating his environment in his own way. How could I be angry? Isn't
that unfair? But my emotional side does get angry and frustrated, hurt
and sad, and at times completely overwhelmed. Today it was hard to stay
calm when my son disobeyed me for the umpteenth time. We were at a toy
store choosing a gift for a friend's birthday. I let my focus drift from
my son to the wall of art projects and in seconds he had collected a
variety of small toys in a fishing net and was bouncing them around the shop.
Unfortunately some of the toys happened to be made out of glass and a glittery liquid which
was soon dripping all over the carpet while shattered glass bounced around in the net and he sang a song. Instead of identifying my fault
in the situation or focusing on my son's creative and exploratory
nature, I got angry and embarrassed and felt utterly defeated. "WHY can't he ever listen to me!?!?," I thought.
After
purchasing the gift and a number of broken items, weathering glares from
parents and sales staff, and wrangling my child back into the car, fishing net and all, I made my way to the local shopping strip feeling a bit broken myself. We parked and started towards the health food store. On the way I ducked into a patisserie and bought a little chocolate treat. I knew it wasn't the best choice but wanted a little bit of
pleasure after the emotional chaos. Ugh. It's hard to look at our own ugliness but it
is only in awareness that we are able to work through the muck and the
mire and become better people. I noticed that when I became aware
of my anger my first inclination was to eat even though my stomach was a
little uneasy. I ate and noticed that I didn't feel satiated. I don't
think I could have felt satiated even if I ate the whole patisserie because
it was not a physical hunger I was feeding. I have a lot of work to do
before I am a truly present and patient being but I wouldn't be able to
work on those areas if I hadn't been aware of them. This is the gift of
mindfulness!
This
is the second to last post on the topic of mindfulness before we move on
to discuss attachment in June and ethics in July, so it might be good
to write more about how to eat mindfully while we have the chance. I am
drawn to revisit teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh since he has so often
shared the simple yet profound teaching on eating an orange mindfully.
In his new book Savor he uses an apple instead of an orange but the idea is the same. He suggests taking the time to experience every sensation
the orange (or apple) has to offer while recognising all that has gone into the
making of the piece of fruit.
Following is an excerpt from an article by Thich Nhat Hanh on Mindful Eating that I just love. I've highlighted my favourite line.
"Mindful
eating is very pleasant. We sit beautifully. We are aware of the people that are
sitting around us. We are aware of the food on our plates. This is a deep practice.
Each morsel of food is an ambassador from the cosmos. When we pick up a piece
of a vegetable, we look at it for half a second. We look mindfully to really recognize
the piece of food, the piece of carrot or string bean. We should know that this
is a piece of carrot or a string bean. We identify it with our mindfulness: "I
know this is a piece of carrot. This is a piece of string bean." It only
takes a fraction of a second. When
we are mindful, we recognize what we are picking up. When we put it into our mouth,
we know what we are putting into our mouth. When we chew it, we know what we are
chewing. It's very simple.
Some
of us, while looking at a piece of carrot, can see the whole cosmos in it, can
see the sunshine in it, can see the earth in it. It has come from the whole cosmos
for our nourishment.
You
may like to smile to it before you put it in your mouth. "
"When you chew it, you
are aware that you are chewing a piece of carrot. Don't put anything else into
your mouth, like your projects, your worries, your fear, just put the carrot in . And
when you chew, chew only the carrot, not your projects or your ideas."
"You are
capable of living in the present moment, in the here and the now. It is simple,
but you need some training to just enjoy the piece of carrot. This is a miracle. I often
teach "orange meditation" to my students. We spend time sitting together,
each enjoying an orange. Placing the orange on the palm of our hand, we look at
it while breathing in and out, so that the orange becomes a reality. If we are
not here, totally present, the orange isn't here either. There
are some people who eat an orange but don't really eat it. They eat their sorrow,
fear, anger, past, and future. They are not really present, with body and mind
united. When
you practice mindful breathing, you become truly present. If you are here, life
is also here. The orange is the ambassador of life. When you look at the orange,
you discover that it is nothing less than fruit growing, turning yellow, becoming
orange, the acid becoming sugar. The orange tree took time to create this masterpiece. When
you are truly here, contemplating the orange, breathing and smiling, the orange
becomes a miracle. It is enough to bring you a lot of happiness. You peel the
orange, smell it, take a section, and put it in your mouth mindfully, fully aware
of the juice on your tongue. This is eating an orange in mindfulness. It makes
the miracle of life possible. It makes joy possible. "
Practice: This week let's focus on a mindful intention for eating. For me this will be remembering that my stomach is only the size of my fist so I will watch portion size. For you it may be eating more fruit or vegetables, going without coffee or sugar, purchasing organic or vegetarian or whole foods, drinking 8 glasses of water per day or simply remembering to eat breakfast every day. Pick a focus and be mindful of what you are putting in your body. Then share with us your experiences over the week. I look forward to hearing your stories.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
17 May 2012
"Like" or "Not-Like" is the question
This week we continue with our discussion of mindfulness, focusing on the aspect of mindfulness which is non-judgmental.
Being present in the current moment and aware of what is happening in our body, our thoughts, our feelings and beliefs is the basis of the practice of mindfulness but it is only part of the method. The other piece is about noticing without judging. One example might be that you are focusing on being present in the now and your mind wanders from one thing to the next until you are planning dinner in your head or you find yourself at the supermarket and don't remember the drive there. Instead of berating yourself for not being mindful, the method is to simply bring the mind back to the object of attention without judgement. This idea was once presented to me as an analogy of a train station and the image has always stuck with me. Imagine you are standing on a platform at Grand Central Station (or perhaps Southern Cross Station if you are in Melbourne). Your thoughts are the trains. As you stand firmly on the platform you can pause and mindfully, consciously decide whether to get on any of the thought trains. If you lose your focus and find yourself in Brooklyn (or Frankston for the Melbournians readers) then you simply go back to the platform and start again. The majority of us spend most of our time in automatic mode, jumping from train to train unconsciously, following our thoughts here and there, completely out of control. However if we can stop and be present, we will have the time and space to decide which mental direction to take.
Another trouble we have is that our minds are habituated into rating things as positive or negative. We construct our view of the world and our identities around categories of what we find appealing and what we don't. Have you honestly listened to your mental chatter from a third party perspective? I have been listening to mine lately and have been horrified to learn that what goes on in my mind is not consistent with what I strive to do and be externally. I am passionate about acceptance, social inclusion, diversity, community development, love and compassion etc. but I was walking down the street the other day and was surprised to notice just how judgmental my thoughts were. The running mental commentary was all about rating the things I saw as to whether they fit into the way I think the world should be or not. "that's a cute outfit" 'That one really doesn't suite her." "those are such high heals, how ridiculous" "Yuck, that guy in front of me is smoking" "That shop looks nice" "that one doesn't" "Yum that bread smells good", "Ugh the butcher shop doesn't?" On and on...and if our internal rating system isn't enough, we can now press a "Like" button on Facebook or Instagram to show our 300 closest friends what we have put in our appealing category. Or even better we can also go on Pinterest and create a visual board of all the things we like so we (and the world) can see them. I am just as guilty as anyone. I love looking at all the pretty things on Flickr or Pinterest or seeing what everyone else is doing in the world of online social media. Can we do these things without judging? I am going to try this week and let you know how it goes.
It is only if we are aware of our thoughts that we can make the choice to change them, so practicing mindfulness can lead us to a calmer, more compassionate, and more in control place from which to make better decisions. When it comes to food intake it can mean having the time and space to choose whether to follow a craving or to decide whether to go for a second serving.It also means not judging ourselves as "bad" for eating cookies and "good" for eating salad.
If you want more about mindful eating check out these links:
Here is an article with some great tips on Mindful Eating plus a yummy vegan recipe from Zen Habits.
and I came across this Mindful Eating Quiz this week that helps us examine how and why we are eating.
How have the practices been going for you the last couple of weeks? I would love to hear your stories, comments, thoughts, etc.
Practice: This week let's examine our thoughts a bit more. Pay attention to your mental chatter and if you find yourself going down the track of rating things as good or bad, see if you can stand firm on the platform and watch that train go right on by. Particularly focus on your thoughts around food, eating, body, etc. And share what you find with us! Until next week....
Metta,
Dharma Mama
Being present in the current moment and aware of what is happening in our body, our thoughts, our feelings and beliefs is the basis of the practice of mindfulness but it is only part of the method. The other piece is about noticing without judging. One example might be that you are focusing on being present in the now and your mind wanders from one thing to the next until you are planning dinner in your head or you find yourself at the supermarket and don't remember the drive there. Instead of berating yourself for not being mindful, the method is to simply bring the mind back to the object of attention without judgement. This idea was once presented to me as an analogy of a train station and the image has always stuck with me. Imagine you are standing on a platform at Grand Central Station (or perhaps Southern Cross Station if you are in Melbourne). Your thoughts are the trains. As you stand firmly on the platform you can pause and mindfully, consciously decide whether to get on any of the thought trains. If you lose your focus and find yourself in Brooklyn (or Frankston for the Melbournians readers) then you simply go back to the platform and start again. The majority of us spend most of our time in automatic mode, jumping from train to train unconsciously, following our thoughts here and there, completely out of control. However if we can stop and be present, we will have the time and space to decide which mental direction to take.
Another trouble we have is that our minds are habituated into rating things as positive or negative. We construct our view of the world and our identities around categories of what we find appealing and what we don't. Have you honestly listened to your mental chatter from a third party perspective? I have been listening to mine lately and have been horrified to learn that what goes on in my mind is not consistent with what I strive to do and be externally. I am passionate about acceptance, social inclusion, diversity, community development, love and compassion etc. but I was walking down the street the other day and was surprised to notice just how judgmental my thoughts were. The running mental commentary was all about rating the things I saw as to whether they fit into the way I think the world should be or not. "that's a cute outfit" 'That one really doesn't suite her." "those are such high heals, how ridiculous" "Yuck, that guy in front of me is smoking" "That shop looks nice" "that one doesn't" "Yum that bread smells good", "Ugh the butcher shop doesn't?" On and on...and if our internal rating system isn't enough, we can now press a "Like" button on Facebook or Instagram to show our 300 closest friends what we have put in our appealing category. Or even better we can also go on Pinterest and create a visual board of all the things we like so we (and the world) can see them. I am just as guilty as anyone. I love looking at all the pretty things on Flickr or Pinterest or seeing what everyone else is doing in the world of online social media. Can we do these things without judging? I am going to try this week and let you know how it goes.
It is only if we are aware of our thoughts that we can make the choice to change them, so practicing mindfulness can lead us to a calmer, more compassionate, and more in control place from which to make better decisions. When it comes to food intake it can mean having the time and space to choose whether to follow a craving or to decide whether to go for a second serving.It also means not judging ourselves as "bad" for eating cookies and "good" for eating salad.
If you want more about mindful eating check out these links:
Here is an article with some great tips on Mindful Eating plus a yummy vegan recipe from Zen Habits.
and I came across this Mindful Eating Quiz this week that helps us examine how and why we are eating.
How have the practices been going for you the last couple of weeks? I would love to hear your stories, comments, thoughts, etc.
Practice: This week let's examine our thoughts a bit more. Pay attention to your mental chatter and if you find yourself going down the track of rating things as good or bad, see if you can stand firm on the platform and watch that train go right on by. Particularly focus on your thoughts around food, eating, body, etc. And share what you find with us! Until next week....
Metta,
Dharma Mama
10 May 2012
Moving from Auto-Pilot to Awareness
How did your week go? Did anyone try a bit of mindfulness practice? This week I learned that I am much more able to be present when I am alone, and find that my attention drifts about while others (particularly my family members) are around. Lost in conversation or caught up in thoughts about keeping my son from running into the road or what I am going to make for dinner, I find it challenging to be fully mindful about what is going on in my mind and body or my environment, and to be honest, as a working mother I have very little time on my own. Mealtimes are often harried with the family as we rush to get ready for work and school or as we try to keep our very active son from destroying the kitchen. When on my own, meals are often had in front of a computer or while checking messages on my phone. So, trying to be mindful at moments throughout the day is really good practice for me, particularly at meal times. I am going to focus on that this week.
I'd like to share an excerpt from Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali that caught my attention today.
"If we could learn to live in full awareness of our present moment and explore our own 'nowness', instead of rehashing the past or planning the future, we would find more joy in our lives, even moments of unsurpassed bliss....The term 'mindfulness' is misleading, suggesting a mind that is full. Rather, mindfulness is knowing what's happening at the time it's happening. We tend to charge through our days on automatic pilot. Preoccupied with our thoughts, we perform our tasks through a mental haze. Our thoughts rebound back and forth between a version of the past and plans for the future....It's quite possible for us to reach the end of a day to find that we have effectively missed the whole thing, and have no idea what actually happened. Having spent the day in our own heads we may have failed to: focus on our tasks, listen attentively to our children, taste more than the first bite of our food notice our surroundings, feel any build up of tension in our bodies, and acknowledge our emotions and what trigered them. If mindfulness is an awareness of all the present moment contains: the sensations of your body, your feelings, perception, assumptions and tendencies.....We might...take more care of our bodies as we learn which foods truly satisfy us, which positions feel most comfortable or how much better we feel after exercise. How are we breathing...How relaxed are our muscles...What is our posture like and what does this say about our state of mind? Being able to observe the rising and passing away of our emotions with mindfulness ensures we experience our lives fully, never ignoring the issues that can teach us the most."
If you liked this, check out Stupendous Joy's short interview with Sarah Napthali here.
You may remember that last week I mentioned that mindfuless is not just about being present but also includes not judging. We will discuss more about what that means next week. Until then, be well. If you want another mindfulness fix, check out this short video of Jon Kabat-Zinn explaining mindfulness or a short guided mindfulness meditation.
and don't forget to practice!
Practice: Everytime you put something in your mouth this week, ask yourself, "Why am I about to eat? Am I actually hungry or am I about to eat because I've been triggered by somehting in my environment? Am I about to eat as a way of coping?" After clarifying your reasons, eat or don't eat but recognnise that there is an opportunity for conscious choice. from Eating the Moment by Pavel G Somov PHD
Metta,
Dharma Mama
I'd like to share an excerpt from Buddhism for Mothers by Sarah Napthali that caught my attention today.
"If we could learn to live in full awareness of our present moment and explore our own 'nowness', instead of rehashing the past or planning the future, we would find more joy in our lives, even moments of unsurpassed bliss....The term 'mindfulness' is misleading, suggesting a mind that is full. Rather, mindfulness is knowing what's happening at the time it's happening. We tend to charge through our days on automatic pilot. Preoccupied with our thoughts, we perform our tasks through a mental haze. Our thoughts rebound back and forth between a version of the past and plans for the future....It's quite possible for us to reach the end of a day to find that we have effectively missed the whole thing, and have no idea what actually happened. Having spent the day in our own heads we may have failed to: focus on our tasks, listen attentively to our children, taste more than the first bite of our food notice our surroundings, feel any build up of tension in our bodies, and acknowledge our emotions and what trigered them. If mindfulness is an awareness of all the present moment contains: the sensations of your body, your feelings, perception, assumptions and tendencies.....We might...take more care of our bodies as we learn which foods truly satisfy us, which positions feel most comfortable or how much better we feel after exercise. How are we breathing...How relaxed are our muscles...What is our posture like and what does this say about our state of mind? Being able to observe the rising and passing away of our emotions with mindfulness ensures we experience our lives fully, never ignoring the issues that can teach us the most."
If you liked this, check out Stupendous Joy's short interview with Sarah Napthali here.
You may remember that last week I mentioned that mindfuless is not just about being present but also includes not judging. We will discuss more about what that means next week. Until then, be well. If you want another mindfulness fix, check out this short video of Jon Kabat-Zinn explaining mindfulness or a short guided mindfulness meditation.
and don't forget to practice!
Practice: Everytime you put something in your mouth this week, ask yourself, "Why am I about to eat? Am I actually hungry or am I about to eat because I've been triggered by somehting in my environment? Am I about to eat as a way of coping?" After clarifying your reasons, eat or don't eat but recognnise that there is an opportunity for conscious choice. from Eating the Moment by Pavel G Somov PHD
Metta,
Dharma Mama
03 May 2012
Defining Mindfulness
"Again and Again, examine
Every aspect of your mental and physical activities.
In brief, that is the very way of observing mindfulness."
Shantideva
Inspired by the Mindful in May campaign we will spend the month examining the Buddhist concept of mindfulness and how it relates to food and eating.
When I started to research the topic of mindfulness I was surprised to find that the term is so often used now that many books on the topic don't even define it, rather they assume we already know its meaning. Mindfulness has made it's way into mainstream psychology and medicine in large part due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and now it seems to be everywhere, including in treatment for eating disorders and addictions.
Mindfulness in the Buddhist context seems to be about being completely aware or paying full attention as in the worldly definition of the word, but the Buddhist concept also has another aspect. It includes not evaluating, discriminating or judging. It's being fully present without habitual reactions or observing without reacting.
Popular Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg explains further,
"To understand mindfulness, imagine yourself doing something very simple, something that doesn't arouse a compelling interest--like, say, eating an apple. You probably eat your apple not paying attention to how it smells, how it tastes, or how it feels in your hand. Because of the ways we're conditioned, we don't usually notice the quality of our attention. Done this way, eating the apple is not a fulfilling experience. So you blame the apple. You might think, if only I had a banana, I'd be happy. So you get a banana, but eat it the same way, and still there's not a lot of fulfillment. And then you think, if only I had a mango--and go to great expense and some difficulty getting a mango. But it's the same thing all over again. We don't pay attention to what we have or what we're doing. As a result, we seek more and more intensity of stimulation to try to rectify what seems unfulfilling."
In the same article, Salzberg also gives a personal illustration of mindfulness and eating,
Every aspect of your mental and physical activities.
In brief, that is the very way of observing mindfulness."
Shantideva
Inspired by the Mindful in May campaign we will spend the month examining the Buddhist concept of mindfulness and how it relates to food and eating.
When I started to research the topic of mindfulness I was surprised to find that the term is so often used now that many books on the topic don't even define it, rather they assume we already know its meaning. Mindfulness has made it's way into mainstream psychology and medicine in large part due to the work of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and now it seems to be everywhere, including in treatment for eating disorders and addictions.
Mindfulness in the Buddhist context seems to be about being completely aware or paying full attention as in the worldly definition of the word, but the Buddhist concept also has another aspect. It includes not evaluating, discriminating or judging. It's being fully present without habitual reactions or observing without reacting.
Popular Buddhist teacher Sharon Salzberg explains further,
"To understand mindfulness, imagine yourself doing something very simple, something that doesn't arouse a compelling interest--like, say, eating an apple. You probably eat your apple not paying attention to how it smells, how it tastes, or how it feels in your hand. Because of the ways we're conditioned, we don't usually notice the quality of our attention. Done this way, eating the apple is not a fulfilling experience. So you blame the apple. You might think, if only I had a banana, I'd be happy. So you get a banana, but eat it the same way, and still there's not a lot of fulfillment. And then you think, if only I had a mango--and go to great expense and some difficulty getting a mango. But it's the same thing all over again. We don't pay attention to what we have or what we're doing. As a result, we seek more and more intensity of stimulation to try to rectify what seems unfulfilling."
In the same article, Salzberg also gives a personal illustration of mindfulness and eating,
" (An) example of
how our conditioning shapes our experience comes from my time studying in Burma.
One day at lunch, I bit down on a whole pepper and my mouth just caught fire.
Soon after, I had an interview with my teacher, Sayadaw Upandita. I told him I
didn't like the taste of chilies, and he said, "Well, we Burmese don't
like the taste of chilis either, but we believe that the stinging sensation
will clear the palate; that it's good for digestion and health. We went on to
talk about what the natural property of the chili is and how it creates a
physiological sensation of burning, which is a direct experience. But the next
aspect of that reality is what we make of the experience. A cultural belief
system can be part of the experience. So a Burmese person might bite down on a
chili, feel the burning, and say, "Well, good." Whereas I was saying,
"I've got to get out of this country! Maybe I can go to Thailand and get a salad!"
"Another definition
of mindfulness is a quality of awareness that does not add to its object, grasp
at it, or push it away in aversion or delusion. If we perceive a pleasant sight
or sound or sensation in body, we try to prolong it and keep it from ever
changing. If a sensation is painful, we shove it away in anger, or strike out
against an object we perceive as causing us pain. And if the experience is
neutral, like eating that apple, or hearing a breath, we may space out or
disconnect. It's in the moment of mindfulness, the moment of awareness, that
you can connect to the object without adding to it, grasping it or pushing it
away. "
Venerable
Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk and human rights activist who
lives in exile in France first introduced me to the subject of Mindfulness with
his fabulous books on the subject and he has recently published Savor: Mindful Eating,
Mindful Life He says that practicing mindfulness cultivates understanding,
love, compassion, and joy and that the practice helps us to take care of and
transform suffering in our lives and in our society. He visited Google
headquarters for a half day of mindfulness teaching recently. Check out a short
video of the event here.
We will delve deeper into
some of Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings soon and I will share some of my own
experiences of trying to be mindful. Stay tuned for that and for a Buddhist
perspective on chocolate cake with Venerable Robina Courtin ...I cant wait!
Practice: (this
one is borrowed from the Mindful in May campaign) Try setting a phone reminder
a few times per day with the message "how are you feeling in this
moment?" as a way of training yourself to take the time to notice what's
going on, in your environment and in your mind. Another tactic is to do so
every time the phone rings or every time you make a cup of tea. Pick something
you do throughout the day and make it a reminder to pay attention. In order to
learn to respond to the moment in a positive way, we first have to be aware of
what's happening in the moment. Try it and let us know how it goes.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
26 April 2012
Mindfulness in May
I have been inspired by the Mindful in May campaign, which asks participants to do mindfulness meditation for ten minutes a day for the month of May and then give to the worthy cause of building clean water wells in developing countries. The Buddhist teachings say that recognising what great fortune we have and being generous with others helps ease the attachment that creates our suffering and generates positive karma. I will endeavour to explain more about attachment and karma soon, and will explore topics related to mindfulness in the month of May. For now I will leave you with a sweet story about food and generosity.
"Perhaps you know the story about the man who arrived in heaven and when asked by God where he wanted to go replied that he wanted to see both heaven and hell. First, he went to hell. There was a large table with all the inhabitants of hell sitting around it. The center of the table was full of delicious food. Each person had two very long chopsticks. They could reach the food but they could not get it into their mouths because their chopsticks were too long. They were miserable. No one was eating and everyone went hungry. Next he was taken to visit heaven. All the inhabitants of heaven were also sitting around a big table full of delicious food but they were happy. They too had very long chopsticks but they were eating and enjoying themselves. They used the chopsticks to feed each other across the table. The people in heaven had discovered that it was in their interest to collaborate unselfishly.(p.69)"
--from Mind Training by Ringu Tulku, published by Snow Lion Publications
The Buddhist teachings say that even giving an animal one mouthful of food generates great positive karma.
Practice: This week let's practice generosity in relation to food. I suggest volunteering at a soup kitchen, putting seeds out for the birds, inviting someone for a meal, or delivering a special treat to a neighbour, but perhaps you can find your own way to be generous with food.
let me know your thoughts on how it goes.....
Metta,
Dharma Mama
"Perhaps you know the story about the man who arrived in heaven and when asked by God where he wanted to go replied that he wanted to see both heaven and hell. First, he went to hell. There was a large table with all the inhabitants of hell sitting around it. The center of the table was full of delicious food. Each person had two very long chopsticks. They could reach the food but they could not get it into their mouths because their chopsticks were too long. They were miserable. No one was eating and everyone went hungry. Next he was taken to visit heaven. All the inhabitants of heaven were also sitting around a big table full of delicious food but they were happy. They too had very long chopsticks but they were eating and enjoying themselves. They used the chopsticks to feed each other across the table. The people in heaven had discovered that it was in their interest to collaborate unselfishly.(p.69)"
--from Mind Training by Ringu Tulku, published by Snow Lion Publications
The Buddhist teachings say that even giving an animal one mouthful of food generates great positive karma.
Practice: This week let's practice generosity in relation to food. I suggest volunteering at a soup kitchen, putting seeds out for the birds, inviting someone for a meal, or delivering a special treat to a neighbour, but perhaps you can find your own way to be generous with food.
let me know your thoughts on how it goes.....
Metta,
Dharma Mama
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