How has your mindfulness practice gone this week? Have you been
paying attention to your thoughts? Have you been able to stand back as a
bystander and watch them come and go? I have been paying more attention
to mine and have had some important realisations this week.
I have a
young son who is a very gifted child but he has some social, emotional
and
behavioural challenges that make life difficult at times. I have known that it can
be hard sometimes but until this week I hadn't recognised that I hold a lot of
anger around my son's special needs and the way they
affect me and my life. My logical brain can easily say that he is a beautiful
little boy, an innocent child, just being in the way he knows how,
navigating his environment in his own way. How could I be angry? Isn't
that unfair? But my emotional side does get angry and frustrated, hurt
and sad, and at times completely overwhelmed. Today it was hard to stay
calm when my son disobeyed me for the umpteenth time. We were at a toy
store choosing a gift for a friend's birthday. I let my focus drift from
my son to the wall of art projects and in seconds he had collected a
variety of small toys in a fishing net and was bouncing them around the shop.
Unfortunately some of the toys happened to be made out of glass and a glittery liquid which
was soon dripping all over the carpet while shattered glass bounced around in the net and he sang a song. Instead of identifying my fault
in the situation or focusing on my son's creative and exploratory
nature, I got angry and embarrassed and felt utterly defeated. "WHY can't he ever listen to me!?!?," I thought.
After
purchasing the gift and a number of broken items, weathering glares from
parents and sales staff, and wrangling my child back into the car, fishing net and all, I made my way to the local shopping strip feeling a bit broken myself. We parked and started towards the health food store. On the way I ducked into a patisserie and bought a little chocolate treat. I knew it wasn't the best choice but wanted a little bit of
pleasure after the emotional chaos. Ugh. It's hard to look at our own ugliness but it
is only in awareness that we are able to work through the muck and the
mire and become better people. I noticed that when I became aware
of my anger my first inclination was to eat even though my stomach was a
little uneasy. I ate and noticed that I didn't feel satiated. I don't
think I could have felt satiated even if I ate the whole patisserie because
it was not a physical hunger I was feeding. I have a lot of work to do
before I am a truly present and patient being but I wouldn't be able to
work on those areas if I hadn't been aware of them. This is the gift of
mindfulness!
This
is the second to last post on the topic of mindfulness before we move on
to discuss attachment in June and ethics in July, so it might be good
to write more about how to eat mindfully while we have the chance. I am
drawn to revisit teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh since he has so often
shared the simple yet profound teaching on eating an orange mindfully.
In his new book Savor he uses an apple instead of an orange but the idea is the same. He suggests taking the time to experience every sensation
the orange (or apple) has to offer while recognising all that has gone into the
making of the piece of fruit.
Following is an excerpt from an article by Thich Nhat Hanh on Mindful Eating that I just love. I've highlighted my favourite line.
"Mindful
eating is very pleasant. We sit beautifully. We are aware of the people that are
sitting around us. We are aware of the food on our plates. This is a deep practice.
Each morsel of food is an ambassador from the cosmos. When we pick up a piece
of a vegetable, we look at it for half a second. We look mindfully to really recognize
the piece of food, the piece of carrot or string bean. We should know that this
is a piece of carrot or a string bean. We identify it with our mindfulness: "I
know this is a piece of carrot. This is a piece of string bean." It only
takes a fraction of a second. When
we are mindful, we recognize what we are picking up. When we put it into our mouth,
we know what we are putting into our mouth. When we chew it, we know what we are
chewing. It's very simple.
Some
of us, while looking at a piece of carrot, can see the whole cosmos in it, can
see the sunshine in it, can see the earth in it. It has come from the whole cosmos
for our nourishment.
You
may like to smile to it before you put it in your mouth. "
"When you chew it, you
are aware that you are chewing a piece of carrot. Don't put anything else into
your mouth, like your projects, your worries, your fear, just put the carrot in . And
when you chew, chew only the carrot, not your projects or your ideas."
"You are
capable of living in the present moment, in the here and the now. It is simple,
but you need some training to just enjoy the piece of carrot. This is a miracle. I often
teach "orange meditation" to my students. We spend time sitting together,
each enjoying an orange. Placing the orange on the palm of our hand, we look at
it while breathing in and out, so that the orange becomes a reality. If we are
not here, totally present, the orange isn't here either. There
are some people who eat an orange but don't really eat it. They eat their sorrow,
fear, anger, past, and future. They are not really present, with body and mind
united. When
you practice mindful breathing, you become truly present. If you are here, life
is also here. The orange is the ambassador of life. When you look at the orange,
you discover that it is nothing less than fruit growing, turning yellow, becoming
orange, the acid becoming sugar. The orange tree took time to create this masterpiece. When
you are truly here, contemplating the orange, breathing and smiling, the orange
becomes a miracle. It is enough to bring you a lot of happiness. You peel the
orange, smell it, take a section, and put it in your mouth mindfully, fully aware
of the juice on your tongue. This is eating an orange in mindfulness. It makes
the miracle of life possible. It makes joy possible. "
Practice: This week let's focus on a mindful intention for eating. For me this will be remembering that my stomach is only the size of my fist so I will watch portion size. For you it may be eating more fruit or vegetables, going without coffee or sugar, purchasing organic or vegetarian or whole foods, drinking 8 glasses of water per day or simply remembering to eat breakfast every day. Pick a focus and be mindful of what you are putting in your body. Then share with us your experiences over the week. I look forward to hearing your stories.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
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