This week I discovered that I am not the first person to recognise the connection between spirituality (or lack thereof) and issues with food. It turns out that Geneen Roth has been teaching and writing on the subject for over 30 years. I picked up one of her books, "Women Food and God" at the library a couple of weeks ago and finally got my nose into it this weekend. The title is misleading because Geneen doesn't really believe in God in the sense that many believe in (a guy with a long beard in the sky, granter of prayers, knower of all things) and her references to Buddhist teachings and retreats makes me believe she is of the eastern spiritual persuasion. Whatever her spiritual tradition, I think her teachings fit well in our discussions here at Buddha At My Table.
Her theory is that the relationship we have with food is a microcosm of our relationship with life itself and that our behaviours are expressions of our beliefs. She says that if we are interested in finding out what we truly believe than we have to look deeply into the attachment we have towards the muffin or the chocolate cake. Zen master Shunryu Suzuki Roshi said that enlightenment was following one thing all the way to its end. Roth thought that if she tracked the impulse to eat when she wasn't hungry to it's core then she would find every thing she believed about life and love and death all there in that moment. God (or Buddha) is in the chocolate cake! I knew there was something exceptional about chocolate cake!
Why are we so attracted to food even if we are not hungry? Roth says that we are attracted because we are hungry for something we can not name, something divine. She has found that compulsive eating is an attempt ot avoid ourselves, our pain, our suffering, our feelings, the present.... and that ending our obsession with food is about the capacity to stay present in the moment with ourselves.
She says, "No matter what we weigh, those of us who are compulsive eaters have anorexia of the soul."
We deprive ourselves by leaving ourselves hundreds of times each day, distracting ourselves from pain or any real feeling by blaming others, thinking about something else, daydreaming or planning the future, comparing ourselves to others, recalling the past, eating, spending life trying to lose weight or get fit or change ourselves in a myriad of ways. All of these things pull us away from mindfulness, pure experience and connection to God or Buddha Nature of whatever form of greater meaning one understands. Roth says that staying where you are with what you are feeling or sensing is the first step in ending an unhealthy relationship with food.
She also mentions that the pattern of running away starts in early childhood, at a time when we are not capable of handling some of the difficult feelings that come our way. However she encourages us to stay present now by telling us that we can handle the toughest challenges as adults. In fact its usually not the pain in the present moment that we are avoiding. We are usually avoiding pain from the past that has been left unresolved. We are therefore living in reverse! There is pain in the present moment for most of us, as well, but Roth states that experiencing it, being present with that pain and suffering rather than leaving the body, escaping into food, is truly living, and anything becomes possible when we are reside in that space. It is there that we find true love, divinity, peace.
Want to read more? Here is Oprah interviewing Geneen Roth about "Women, Food and God."
Although this blog is not focused on losing weight I also find this story inspiring. Susan Drolkar found benefactors willing to sponsor her weight loss and raised enough money for approximately 13,500 meals for the monks of Sera Je Monastery. She dedicated her 3-year effort to her guru, Lama Zopa Rinpoche and says that Buddhism gave her strength and helped her to see obstacles as opportunities to grow. She also says that she finally understands Buddha's teaching, “Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.”
Practice: This week let's try to catch ourselves as we become distracted from truly living. What are your favourite escapes? Try to bring yourself back to the present and examine the feelings that are present in your mind and body when you have the urge to run way, or seek distraction. Also try to be kind to yourself, both your body and mind.
Have a great week!
Metta,
Dharma Mama
24 June 2012
17 June 2012
Aversion and The Bath
This week we are meant to continue on the topic of attachment but I would like to take a little sidetrack related to attachment, to look at aversion. Aversion is the mirror image of attachment, it's opposite, and has some of the same qualities. I received this post from from Zen Habits' Leo Babauta the other day in which he says that the most important skill in life is to learn to be happy with oneself. The article struck me because that concept seems so simple, so basic that it's almost not worth saying. Of course we need to like ourselves and isn't it human nature to do so? When I really examine how I feel about myself I realise that I am not happy at all. I hold aversion towards myself in a variety of areas. I am also guilty of holding myself up against perfectionistic ideals, particularly when it comes to my body. After reading the post on self love, I decided to make friends with my body and write about it here as I believe it ties into my attachment to food. It's like a dysfunctional codependent relationship. The poor self image feeds the mindless eating and the mindless eating fuels the poor self image. As you may have read in the Introduction to Buddha At My Table, I have gone up and down in weight throughout my life but 5 years ago I was 25 kilos slimmer than I am now. As my weight increases so does my aversion to my body, and ironically I often find comfort in cooking and eating which exacerbates the problem.
So I decided to heed Leo's advice. When my son fell asleep early the other night I retreated to the bath, which is something I haven't done in ages, in part because I don't like being naked and in eye view. This time I decided to get reacquainted with my body while I soaked. I said hello to my toes and thanked them for keeping me balanced. I massaged my feet and shared gratitude for them and all that they endure. I put my hands on my rounder belly. This was the hard part. I thanked my belly for all the holding in and strapping tight, for all the stretching and shrinking over the years, for processing all the bits and bobs I consume into energy, even for the fat that keeps me warm. My butt and hips even got kudos! I stayed present with my new more bulbous body, massaging lotion into my skin after the bath. I felt uplifted, more comfortable in my skin.
I remembered a teaching by His Holiness the Dalai Lama that was recounted to me. I was told that he looked out at the audience and started laughing. He pointed to someone and said "You think you are tall!" He laughed, "and you think you are short!" He giggled some more, " You think you are fat!" he chuckled, "and you think you are thin!" The reason he was laughing was multifaceted. For one, these are just labels we apply to ourselves and they are so relative! We are not concretely any of these things. And they are so fluctuating! In this life I have been all of these things and more. If we are born over and over again (Buddha taught that we have been reincarnated again and again since beginningless time and will continue to do so until we attain enlightenment) then we have been and will be all of these things! We are not our bodies! We are our minds! And our bodies are in part manifestations of our minds, and our actions, our karma.
We will discuss karma and reincarnation more in the future, but for now perhaps it might help to try to think about our bodies with a lighter, looser sort of view. In addition it is probably a good exercise to learn to like ourselves. After all how can we have love and compassion for others if we don't even love ourselves? Take a look at the Zen Habits link and let me know if you have any ideas on how we can learn to like ourselves.
Practice: This week examine your thoughts about yourself. Try to catch yourself when you have derogatory or judgemental thoughts about yourself. Try to change the words you use. Don't call yourself "bad" for losing the battle with the chocolate cake. Try to change the "conversation" in your mind to a supportive one. Also examine what causes aversion for you. What kind of behaviour does aversion give rise to? What triggers your aversion for yourself?
Enjoy your week.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
So I decided to heed Leo's advice. When my son fell asleep early the other night I retreated to the bath, which is something I haven't done in ages, in part because I don't like being naked and in eye view. This time I decided to get reacquainted with my body while I soaked. I said hello to my toes and thanked them for keeping me balanced. I massaged my feet and shared gratitude for them and all that they endure. I put my hands on my rounder belly. This was the hard part. I thanked my belly for all the holding in and strapping tight, for all the stretching and shrinking over the years, for processing all the bits and bobs I consume into energy, even for the fat that keeps me warm. My butt and hips even got kudos! I stayed present with my new more bulbous body, massaging lotion into my skin after the bath. I felt uplifted, more comfortable in my skin.
I remembered a teaching by His Holiness the Dalai Lama that was recounted to me. I was told that he looked out at the audience and started laughing. He pointed to someone and said "You think you are tall!" He laughed, "and you think you are short!" He giggled some more, " You think you are fat!" he chuckled, "and you think you are thin!" The reason he was laughing was multifaceted. For one, these are just labels we apply to ourselves and they are so relative! We are not concretely any of these things. And they are so fluctuating! In this life I have been all of these things and more. If we are born over and over again (Buddha taught that we have been reincarnated again and again since beginningless time and will continue to do so until we attain enlightenment) then we have been and will be all of these things! We are not our bodies! We are our minds! And our bodies are in part manifestations of our minds, and our actions, our karma.
We will discuss karma and reincarnation more in the future, but for now perhaps it might help to try to think about our bodies with a lighter, looser sort of view. In addition it is probably a good exercise to learn to like ourselves. After all how can we have love and compassion for others if we don't even love ourselves? Take a look at the Zen Habits link and let me know if you have any ideas on how we can learn to like ourselves.
Practice: This week examine your thoughts about yourself. Try to catch yourself when you have derogatory or judgemental thoughts about yourself. Try to change the words you use. Don't call yourself "bad" for losing the battle with the chocolate cake. Try to change the "conversation" in your mind to a supportive one. Also examine what causes aversion for you. What kind of behaviour does aversion give rise to? What triggers your aversion for yourself?
Enjoy your week.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
07 June 2012
Face Off with a Brownie
How has the week gone for you? Did anyone else do the chocolate cake practice from last week? I took my chocolate cake seriously this week! I made it through most of the day on Monday having made positive mindful choices about eating, but when tea o'clock hit (around 3-4 PM I change from a normal person into a ravaging beast, craving caffeine, sugar, chocolate or the like) I glanced at the banana sitting on my desk and decided to head to the kitchen for a cup of tea instead. There in the staff kitchen was a home made chocolate cake glistening in the sun (okay maybe the glistening was from my taste buds rather than the sun). Aha, I thought! If I have a piece of cake I can do my Buddha At My Table practice for the week! I thought about cutting a thick slice but instead cut a thin one and placed it on a plate. My mouth watered and my tummy grumbled as I walked back to my desk, but it was my mind that was most active! That cake tasted amazing before I even stuck a fork into it. My mind created the most delicious item it could dream up! I sunk a fork into the chocolately goodness and took a bite. Yum. I chewed slowly. Hmm, good, but not as delicious as I had been expecting. Throughout the next few bites I realised that the cake was actually a bit dry, tasty but dry. I let the creamy frosting linger on my tongue, but the experience ended quickly. Even though it did not live up to the cake my mind had projected onto it, I immediately thought of having a second piece. My mind was somehow still stuck on the projection, thinking if I were to have another piece maybe it would live up to expectations. Maybe it would satisfy me. I refrained from having another piece but it was interesting to see how my mind of attachment saw the chocolate cake as inherently blissful even though evidence proved otherwise.
The next day I was facing a three hour afternoon meeting and thought a big cup of strong tea (perhaps with some sugar) might help me make it through. I headed to a local cafe for a chai and saw a row of beautifully wrapped chocolate brownies. Without even thinking I ordered one to go. As I put it in my coat pocket I questioned my decision, but rationalised it by deciding I could use it for more practice. The brownie stayed in my pocket through the meeting. I offered it to a coworker but he declined. He wasn't really in the mood for chocolate cake today. Strangely neither was I. When I returned to my desk I placed the brownie behind my keyboard. I wasn't hungry but it sat there staring at me, beckoning me to eat it. I resisted the temptation and decided to see how long I could keep my attachment at bay. I was having a face off with a brownie! How long could I resist?
The brownie returned to my coat pocket when I left work and was forgotten in the busyness of the evening. I found it again mid-morning the following day as I walked from one meeting to another. I imagined pulling it out of my pocket, unwrapping it, scarfing it down quickly before I made it to my destination, like an addict secretly dosing up. That mental image was enough to stop me from indulging. I was hungry though. When I arrived at my destination I sat down at a table and nibbled on some healthy sort of hippie dippy crackers made of whole wheat, sunflower seeds and chia instead. A coworker offered me a cup of soup and I accepted. An early lunch, much better choice than a brownie, I thought.
The brownie continued to rest in my pocket, but by 2 PM I was thinking of food again. I didn't feel like eating lunch since I had already had the soup and crackers earlier and I had limited time to prepare a snack due to another meeting (yes my life is one meeting after another these days!), so I again contemplated the brownie. This time I gave in and unwrapped it in a hurry. I chomped off a large bite sending crumbs cascading down my chin and onto my desk, lap and everywhere. At exactly the same moment a coworker appeared at my side. He commented on the big bite and I turned a bright shade of red. I was caught in a moment of pure attachment, a moment without mindfulness. I was horrified, but not enough to stop eating. After all, I had a meeting with my manager in a few minutes! The brownie was soft and gooey and oh so chocolatey. I tried to eat more daintily as I reviewed project status with my coworker, but I kept eating. As I swallowed the last bite, I swigged down the rest of my herbal tea, spilling again. I felt slovenly as I wiped my chin and hurried off to my meeting. Enough with the chocolate cake I thought!! But removing chocolate cake (and brownies obviously) from my diet isn't going to solve the problem. Exploring my attachment for it will be far more useful. Why do I find it so appealing? I must be thinking that this cake will make me happy, that it has the ability to do so, that it is inherently delicious! Is it? What would happen if I ate the whole chocolate cake? Would it still be as appealing? Probably not. It would likely make me feel ill, and bring out repulsion rather than desire. The cake itself doesn't inherently hold deliciousness within it. In fact for some it may cause an allergic reaction. If it was inherently delicious it would always be so. The attractiveness applied to it is of my own mind's making.
So what do we do with the attachment? Here is a short video of Venerable Thubten Chodron teaching on the antidotes to attachment. Want more on attachment? Ven Chodron does a short teaching every morning called "Bodhisattva Breakfast Corner" and the series from 14-18 April 2011 was on attachment as a flood. A great description! Here is the first one. You should be able to find the other four on the same Youtube page.
Practice: What is your favourite food? Shall we try some while examining where the attractiveness lies? Are you disappointed by it when it doesn't live up to expectations? What happens if you eat more and more and more? Does the level of attractiveness change? Let's try to recognise how it's attractiveness come from our minds rather than from the object itself.
Have a great week!
Metta,
Dharma Mama.
The next day I was facing a three hour afternoon meeting and thought a big cup of strong tea (perhaps with some sugar) might help me make it through. I headed to a local cafe for a chai and saw a row of beautifully wrapped chocolate brownies. Without even thinking I ordered one to go. As I put it in my coat pocket I questioned my decision, but rationalised it by deciding I could use it for more practice. The brownie stayed in my pocket through the meeting. I offered it to a coworker but he declined. He wasn't really in the mood for chocolate cake today. Strangely neither was I. When I returned to my desk I placed the brownie behind my keyboard. I wasn't hungry but it sat there staring at me, beckoning me to eat it. I resisted the temptation and decided to see how long I could keep my attachment at bay. I was having a face off with a brownie! How long could I resist?
The brownie returned to my coat pocket when I left work and was forgotten in the busyness of the evening. I found it again mid-morning the following day as I walked from one meeting to another. I imagined pulling it out of my pocket, unwrapping it, scarfing it down quickly before I made it to my destination, like an addict secretly dosing up. That mental image was enough to stop me from indulging. I was hungry though. When I arrived at my destination I sat down at a table and nibbled on some healthy sort of hippie dippy crackers made of whole wheat, sunflower seeds and chia instead. A coworker offered me a cup of soup and I accepted. An early lunch, much better choice than a brownie, I thought.
The brownie continued to rest in my pocket, but by 2 PM I was thinking of food again. I didn't feel like eating lunch since I had already had the soup and crackers earlier and I had limited time to prepare a snack due to another meeting (yes my life is one meeting after another these days!), so I again contemplated the brownie. This time I gave in and unwrapped it in a hurry. I chomped off a large bite sending crumbs cascading down my chin and onto my desk, lap and everywhere. At exactly the same moment a coworker appeared at my side. He commented on the big bite and I turned a bright shade of red. I was caught in a moment of pure attachment, a moment without mindfulness. I was horrified, but not enough to stop eating. After all, I had a meeting with my manager in a few minutes! The brownie was soft and gooey and oh so chocolatey. I tried to eat more daintily as I reviewed project status with my coworker, but I kept eating. As I swallowed the last bite, I swigged down the rest of my herbal tea, spilling again. I felt slovenly as I wiped my chin and hurried off to my meeting. Enough with the chocolate cake I thought!! But removing chocolate cake (and brownies obviously) from my diet isn't going to solve the problem. Exploring my attachment for it will be far more useful. Why do I find it so appealing? I must be thinking that this cake will make me happy, that it has the ability to do so, that it is inherently delicious! Is it? What would happen if I ate the whole chocolate cake? Would it still be as appealing? Probably not. It would likely make me feel ill, and bring out repulsion rather than desire. The cake itself doesn't inherently hold deliciousness within it. In fact for some it may cause an allergic reaction. If it was inherently delicious it would always be so. The attractiveness applied to it is of my own mind's making.
So what do we do with the attachment? Here is a short video of Venerable Thubten Chodron teaching on the antidotes to attachment. Want more on attachment? Ven Chodron does a short teaching every morning called "Bodhisattva Breakfast Corner" and the series from 14-18 April 2011 was on attachment as a flood. A great description! Here is the first one. You should be able to find the other four on the same Youtube page.
Practice: What is your favourite food? Shall we try some while examining where the attractiveness lies? Are you disappointed by it when it doesn't live up to expectations? What happens if you eat more and more and more? Does the level of attractiveness change? Let's try to recognise how it's attractiveness come from our minds rather than from the object itself.
Have a great week!
Metta,
Dharma Mama.
03 June 2012
Defining Attachment
I usually write my posts on Thursdays, so I was expecting there to be one last post on Mindfulness on th 31st. However with a sick family at home and all the other busyness of life and motherhood, it is suddenly Sunday, and it's now June! So on to our next topic...Attachment!
According to Buddhist Scholar Jeffrey Hopkins, attachment in the Buddhist context means,
"The disturbing emotion that exaggerates the good qualities of an object that one possesses and does not wish to let go of it." Another Buddhist Scholar, Alex Berzin, explains that the concept is confusing for us westerners because in modern psychology the word attachment has a positive connotation in some contexts. It can refer to the bonding that occurs between a child and parent. Psychologists say that if a child does not have the initial attachment to the parents, there will be difficulties in the child's development. The Buddhist connotation of attachment is hard to translate into English because it refers to something very specific. When the Buddhist teachings instruct that we need to develop detachment, it does not mean that we do not want to develop bonds such as the parent-child bond. What is meant by "detachment" is ridding ourselves of clinging and craving for something or someone. It's the craving that is the problem, not the object or even the enjoyment of it.
One of hte most proficient teachers in the area of attachment is Venerable Robina Courtin. Ven. Robina is a fast-talking no-nonsense Buddhist Nun originally from Australia. I had the opportunity to stay with her and attend to her needs for two weeks some years back and she had a profound impression on me. As I was shaving her head on the first day she asked, "so do you want to be a nun?" Whether it was partnership or the nunhood that I wanted, she encouraged me to get on with it and do some work to get where I want to be. Lazy would never be used to describe this nun who used to be editor of Mandala Magazine. She now runs the Liberation Prison Project in addition to travelling around the world teaching. She also runs pilgramages to Buddhist holy sites for those with a lot of extra cash in their pockets. She often discusses attachment and karma in her talks and uses the example of chocolate cake to explain attachment, since it is one thing to which many of us have a strong attachment (don't worry she talks about sex too! No topic is off limits for Robina). Here is a link to a video of a teaching she did in California recently titled "Buddhism and Chocolate Cake: How to be Happy." There is a transcript version on the site too if you can't play the video. Following is a small piece of the transript to give you a little taste. Enjoy!
"Attachment is, you know, everyone in this room will have a different definition so please chuck-them out and hear this definition because this is Buddha's. It's a neurotic state of mind; all of them particularly do have a function of over exaggerating certain aspects of an object. So when you are attached to your boyfriend, assuming you have one, he will look, probably, especially in the beginning, he will look divine to you, won't he? Isn't it, when you're in love, you can't believe this divine person from their head to their toenails. Of course, after a while when he, you know, farts between the blanket instead of in the toilet, [Laughter]--you slowly, you start going down here and your attachment kind of gets punctured a bit and isn't so handsome after all. We all know that one, when you're really hungry for the chocolate cake, this is a simple point, but profound, it looks divine doesn't it? It's like vibrating deliciousness. And this is the point the Buddha's making: we think it comes from the cake, we think the cake is divine, you think your boyfriend is divine until you start realizing his mistakes, because you're blinded, because attachment in the mind, it's like you've got honey, what do you call them, rose-colored spectacles on. Everything will look just hunky-dory,just gorgeous, which is an exaggeration of reality. It's an exaggeration of reality, when you don't like that boyfriend, after 6 months you can't stand the sight of him, every time you look at him now, nothing looks nice. He looks really ugly, that's because now you've got your angry glasses on. You're aversion glasses on. When you've stuffed so full four pieces of cake, the cake looks disgusting now.
So we just go, this is normal, but these, Buddha says are states of mind. Attachment exaggerates the deliciousness and then has the energy of hankering after it, believing when I get it, that I'll get happy, which is expectations, and then possessing it, especially if it's people and things, it's mine! All of these are function of this cute, simple word, ―attachment.‖ And it comes from the deepest and the most energetic level. It is the expression, this attachment, of a deep, deep primordial sense of dissatisfaction. An aching sense of I'm just never enough. I do not have enough, whatever I do is never enough, whatever I get is never enough. Check our lives. This is a deep disease we have and this is the deepest habitual expression of this label,―attachment, which seems so abstract to us.
Dissatisfaction, what do you mean, with what? Well with everything. You get up in the morning and you just, something's just not right, you know. We can have it, some people have it very deeply, always unhappy, always, no matter what they get, they can be multimillionaires and be the best body in the world, dissatisfied. Always unhappy and that gives rise to, therefore I must get this, and I must get that and when I get this it'll fill up the gaping hole. This is the way attachment works. And Buddha says it’s the default road for life, it's what runs all of us, it's the motor that propels us from second to second of our experiences. This, and it gets down in the big bones, right down deep where we can only see it when we practice meditation and concentration and really be our own therapist, we get to hear the words how easily exaggeration, not just some physical feeling, you know. Anger's the same, depression the same, so because of this deep attachment that cultivated of that gorgeous grandma's cup or my handsome boyfriend, then desperately I don't want it to change. So we live in the fantasy world. We know very well intellectually things change, we think we're--we would never admit that they don't, we know damn well they do! But, emotionally, experientially, we cling to everything as if it won't change.
So when you have finally found happiness. Look at the words. ―I have finally found happiness, we say. And you've got this divine person, you've written the novel for the rest of your life. and it's like you locked it away in a cabinet and as far as you're concerned, it's permanent. And look at the devastation when it changes. I always remember reading an article in the ―Vanity Fair. I like reading magazines, learn about human beings. And it was an interview with Nicole Kidman when she was with Tom Cruise. Now she's with that nasty Australian bloke, what's his name? Anyway, the singer, you know. And she has two children [inaudible], Faith and Sunday, that's right. I read the papers. So anyway, whatever. When she was being interviewed in Vanity Fair when she was with Tom Cruise still, she said at the end of the article, ―We will be together until we're 80. [Pause] Of course, that's how we think isn't it? And then she covered herself and said, ―Well, of course if we won't be, I will be devastated." Venerable Robina Courtin Feb 9, 2012 Chico California
If you want to hear more from Venerable Robina check her out on Judith Lucy's Spiritual Journey or on this show. There was also a documentary written about her and her work for the Liberation Prison Project called Chasing Buddha. It's great if you can find a copy!
Practice: This week try to recognise the clinging nature of attachment. At this stage let's just look at the sticky feeling when we are attached to something. Maybe even try some chocolate cake and see how it looks to you before eating, after eating a few bites and when you are finished. And let me know how it goes.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
According to Buddhist Scholar Jeffrey Hopkins, attachment in the Buddhist context means,
"The disturbing emotion that exaggerates the good qualities of an object that one possesses and does not wish to let go of it." Another Buddhist Scholar, Alex Berzin, explains that the concept is confusing for us westerners because in modern psychology the word attachment has a positive connotation in some contexts. It can refer to the bonding that occurs between a child and parent. Psychologists say that if a child does not have the initial attachment to the parents, there will be difficulties in the child's development. The Buddhist connotation of attachment is hard to translate into English because it refers to something very specific. When the Buddhist teachings instruct that we need to develop detachment, it does not mean that we do not want to develop bonds such as the parent-child bond. What is meant by "detachment" is ridding ourselves of clinging and craving for something or someone. It's the craving that is the problem, not the object or even the enjoyment of it.
One of hte most proficient teachers in the area of attachment is Venerable Robina Courtin. Ven. Robina is a fast-talking no-nonsense Buddhist Nun originally from Australia. I had the opportunity to stay with her and attend to her needs for two weeks some years back and she had a profound impression on me. As I was shaving her head on the first day she asked, "so do you want to be a nun?" Whether it was partnership or the nunhood that I wanted, she encouraged me to get on with it and do some work to get where I want to be. Lazy would never be used to describe this nun who used to be editor of Mandala Magazine. She now runs the Liberation Prison Project in addition to travelling around the world teaching. She also runs pilgramages to Buddhist holy sites for those with a lot of extra cash in their pockets. She often discusses attachment and karma in her talks and uses the example of chocolate cake to explain attachment, since it is one thing to which many of us have a strong attachment (don't worry she talks about sex too! No topic is off limits for Robina). Here is a link to a video of a teaching she did in California recently titled "Buddhism and Chocolate Cake: How to be Happy." There is a transcript version on the site too if you can't play the video. Following is a small piece of the transript to give you a little taste. Enjoy!
"Attachment is, you know, everyone in this room will have a different definition so please chuck-them out and hear this definition because this is Buddha's. It's a neurotic state of mind; all of them particularly do have a function of over exaggerating certain aspects of an object. So when you are attached to your boyfriend, assuming you have one, he will look, probably, especially in the beginning, he will look divine to you, won't he? Isn't it, when you're in love, you can't believe this divine person from their head to their toenails. Of course, after a while when he, you know, farts between the blanket instead of in the toilet, [Laughter]--you slowly, you start going down here and your attachment kind of gets punctured a bit and isn't so handsome after all. We all know that one, when you're really hungry for the chocolate cake, this is a simple point, but profound, it looks divine doesn't it? It's like vibrating deliciousness. And this is the point the Buddha's making: we think it comes from the cake, we think the cake is divine, you think your boyfriend is divine until you start realizing his mistakes, because you're blinded, because attachment in the mind, it's like you've got honey, what do you call them, rose-colored spectacles on. Everything will look just hunky-dory,just gorgeous, which is an exaggeration of reality. It's an exaggeration of reality, when you don't like that boyfriend, after 6 months you can't stand the sight of him, every time you look at him now, nothing looks nice. He looks really ugly, that's because now you've got your angry glasses on. You're aversion glasses on. When you've stuffed so full four pieces of cake, the cake looks disgusting now.
So we just go, this is normal, but these, Buddha says are states of mind. Attachment exaggerates the deliciousness and then has the energy of hankering after it, believing when I get it, that I'll get happy, which is expectations, and then possessing it, especially if it's people and things, it's mine! All of these are function of this cute, simple word, ―attachment.‖ And it comes from the deepest and the most energetic level. It is the expression, this attachment, of a deep, deep primordial sense of dissatisfaction. An aching sense of I'm just never enough. I do not have enough, whatever I do is never enough, whatever I get is never enough. Check our lives. This is a deep disease we have and this is the deepest habitual expression of this label,―attachment, which seems so abstract to us.
Dissatisfaction, what do you mean, with what? Well with everything. You get up in the morning and you just, something's just not right, you know. We can have it, some people have it very deeply, always unhappy, always, no matter what they get, they can be multimillionaires and be the best body in the world, dissatisfied. Always unhappy and that gives rise to, therefore I must get this, and I must get that and when I get this it'll fill up the gaping hole. This is the way attachment works. And Buddha says it’s the default road for life, it's what runs all of us, it's the motor that propels us from second to second of our experiences. This, and it gets down in the big bones, right down deep where we can only see it when we practice meditation and concentration and really be our own therapist, we get to hear the words how easily exaggeration, not just some physical feeling, you know. Anger's the same, depression the same, so because of this deep attachment that cultivated of that gorgeous grandma's cup or my handsome boyfriend, then desperately I don't want it to change. So we live in the fantasy world. We know very well intellectually things change, we think we're--we would never admit that they don't, we know damn well they do! But, emotionally, experientially, we cling to everything as if it won't change.
So when you have finally found happiness. Look at the words. ―I have finally found happiness, we say. And you've got this divine person, you've written the novel for the rest of your life. and it's like you locked it away in a cabinet and as far as you're concerned, it's permanent. And look at the devastation when it changes. I always remember reading an article in the ―Vanity Fair. I like reading magazines, learn about human beings. And it was an interview with Nicole Kidman when she was with Tom Cruise. Now she's with that nasty Australian bloke, what's his name? Anyway, the singer, you know. And she has two children [inaudible], Faith and Sunday, that's right. I read the papers. So anyway, whatever. When she was being interviewed in Vanity Fair when she was with Tom Cruise still, she said at the end of the article, ―We will be together until we're 80. [Pause] Of course, that's how we think isn't it? And then she covered herself and said, ―Well, of course if we won't be, I will be devastated." Venerable Robina Courtin Feb 9, 2012 Chico California
If you want to hear more from Venerable Robina check her out on Judith Lucy's Spiritual Journey or on this show. There was also a documentary written about her and her work for the Liberation Prison Project called Chasing Buddha. It's great if you can find a copy!
Practice: This week try to recognise the clinging nature of attachment. At this stage let's just look at the sticky feeling when we are attached to something. Maybe even try some chocolate cake and see how it looks to you before eating, after eating a few bites and when you are finished. And let me know how it goes.
Metta,
Dharma Mama
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